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Is He Cheating?

by Pat Blackett

Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic. They can also be damaging, destructive, cruel, painful, time-wasting and demeaning.

As devastating as it may be to find out the truth if your spouse is cheating on you, not knowing can be a whole lot worse. It`s to your advantage to search for signs of infidelity if you think your spouse might be having an affair. All you need are your own eyes and ears, and your personal knowledge of your partner.

What are the signs?

 The one thing to look for is change. Everyone having an affair changes in some way. A man might bathe or shower more often. He may take up running, start going to the gym or get a fashionable haircut. He may become more romantic within the marriage, or indeed he may become quite callous or indifferent towards you, but he will certainly start `working late` or taking trips abroad on business.

  Women also change when having an affair. They lose weight, buy more modern clothes and get new hairstyles. They start `going for a drink after work` and have more nights out, supposedly with girlfriends. They may take up an evening class. They will frequently buy their live-in partner little loving gifts because they are feeling guilty, and sometimes they become extra keen on sex, getting more experimental in bed than they have been for years. These things in themselves don`t mean that they`re being unfaithful, but they certainly show that something different is going on and can alert the spouse to a possible affair.  

It`s important to remember that affairs indicate a problem with the original relationship. If you discover that your partner is being unfaithful, you`ll have a better chance of saving the relationship if you`re prepared to accept that at least some of the reasons for your partner`s infidelity are attributable to you.

Why do we cheat?

Nowadays, the number of men and women who get entangled in an affair are just about equal.   Infidelity often develops between colleagues; when people spend a lot of time together, the growing sense of familiarity often triggers an affair, especially if either or both people are going through rough patches in their marriages.

 For some, the need to relive the exhilaration of being in love drives them to an affair. This happen to couples who have been married for a while and the novelty of romance has worn off. Life and marriage fall into a predictable routine, and the relationship becomes a brother/sister kind of love.

Unlike men, women normally delve into affairs out of loneliness. The craving for companionship is what drives a woman to seek solace in another manâ€™s arms. It rarely happens out of lust or to relive the exhilaration of forbidden sex. That is what sets women and men apart in their quest for affairs.

Can affairs help a marriage?

There are only two situations in which an affair could help a marriage. One is when a partner hates sex and is relieved that the other finds satisfaction elsewhere. A blind eye is turned and as long as the affair doesn`t get too emotional, and the marriage is preserved for what it is. The other situation is when someone has a fling, but learns through it that he or she is still in love with the original partner and is far better off at home. In this situation the marriage can be strengthened, but only if the innocent party never learns about the affair.

To tell or not to tell?

Every person must make this decision for themselves. While there`s an understandable caution about the risk of telling about an affair, there`s also risk in not telling. In marriages where affairs are kept secret, whole areas of discussion are avoided because the deceiving partner fears being discovered, and the other is reluctant to appear suspicious. The relationship then exists under a heavy cloud of dishonesty and deception. Often, the cost of keeping an affair secret year after year - even if it`s no longer going on - is a terrible strain on the relationship, like a perpetual migraine. A large part of the high divorce rate may be due to the alienation caused by the dishonesty inherent in affairs, even if the affairs are never confronted. Given this, it may well be that in terms of infidelity, there is no escape from the pain, regardless of whether the affair is hidden or exposed.

One advantage of telling, rather than waiting to be discovered, is the degree of preparation allowed. This can significantly reduce the pain of being found out. The person doing the telling can increase the chances that the relationship will heal, but they must be motivated by the desire to save and improve the relationship - not a mere selfish need to assuage their own guilt. They must be prepared to hang in and work through their partner`s reactions to the information, regardless of what they might be.

One course of action - perhaps the most responsible one - is not to rule out telling â€˜at some point.` This attitude can be used to improve honesty and commitment to the relationship, until the bond is strong enough to withstand the information. Even if the affair is never mentioned, this method will benefit and strengthen the relationship.

Looking for inspiration or guidance? Call Clear Psychics at 1800-046-425 today

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