A man who is tuned into what you are saying is in no hurry to offer advice, jump to conclusions, or compare your experiences with his own. He understands that your thoughts and emotions are unique, and need to be expressed rather than stifled. When he does get around to offering advice, you both feel psychically that he has earned the right to do so by listening first.

When you share something important that’s on you mind, he doesn’t fidget or let his attention wander to the walls—nor is he spaced out and unresponsive. The sweet spot in the middle is what you want. If he is really listening, he is at ease with your emotions and absorbed your words. He looks comfortable but slightly on-edge, as if watching a good movie.

The most obvious sign that he is not listening is your having to repeat things over and over, but if he actively references things you have communicated before, he is tuned in psychically. Such a man feels it when you speak with concern—he embeds your emotions into his energetic body and takes it seriously. He wants to build a more complete psychic picture of you so that he can be the support you need.

Are you always the one suggesting the two of you have a conversation with no distractions? A good listener knows that this as important for partners as regular exercise is for the body. A good listener is emotionally connected and can often tell when there is something you want to talk about. He won’t always wait for you to make a move. His ability to be proactive shows that listening is not a chore for him, but rather an opportunity to make your partnership stronger in the long run.

It would be nice if we could instantly communicate the exact nature of our thoughts to a partner, but this would make it too easy. It would deprive us of the wonderful process of discovering new aspects of ourselves through another person. The point is, even the best listener will need to place your thoughts into the framework of his own mind. Re-phrasing is a sure sign that he is making an effort. So if he isn’t getting it exactly  right, make sure you give him points for trying!